Starting Out: Scan the 'Scape

What does your social landscape look like?

Like many adults, you probably realize that there are  different types of friendship. But have you ever taken an inventory of how many people are in your various corners? Or have you attempted to figure out what types are especially important to you?

Here are a few friendship types that come to my mind:

• The Confidante: someone you can entrust with important information about yourself and with whom you can sort out sticky situations.
• The Good Time Gal (or Guy): the friend who's always up for a night out.
• The Taskmistress or master: the friend who isn't afraid to hold you accountable when necessary, even if it means you'll be mad at her for a few days.
• The Chillaxer: the buddy with whom you can simply sit and br-r-r-eathe. 
• The Comforter: the one you turn to when you just need a shoulder to cry on, sans advice.
• The Advisor: the friend you see after having cried yourself out.
• The Groupsters: the individuals who form part of any group you may belong to.

And so forth. Sometimes one person can fill several of these roles. Most people can't fill all of them.

Several authors (Feldon, Thomas) advise also including people you see on your daily rounds, even though you might never have a lengthy conversation, such as sales associates at the supermarket, tellers at your bank or credit union, the bus driver or mail carrier. All are part of your personal landscape.

Take an "audit" of this scene. How many friends do you have in various roles? Are these relationships satisfying? If not, what changes do you need to make? Do you find yourself stuck in certain patterns or ruts? Does anything or anyone feel like it's missing, like there's a noticeable gap? 

After this, take a mental time-release photo of your people-scape for the last month, year, 2-3 years. What overall impression stands out? If you feel like something important is lacking, can you put it into words? Or maybe draw a picture or diagram? 

One friend who did this saw the spontaneous image of a turnstile pop into her head. Although she'd never thought about her situation before, the image made sense. People had been entering & leaving her block, workplace and social sphere at an unsettling rate. That's why she'd felt so adrift for the past year. Putting a finger on the issue didn't solve the problem but it put her in the position to start thinking about ways she could invest in a few stabilizing relationships. 

You can't get from A to B until you find point A on the map. A friendship scan helps you find the starting point.