We're All Colorful Characters

I've just finished reading one of my favorite books about relationships, Tom Maddron's Living Your Colors. When I was enrolled in my life coach program, I found myself reading everything about personality or temperament types that I could get my hands on. For some reason the topic fascinated me, possibly because it explains so much. Why do I hit it off with some people and not others? Why have I loved working for certain bosses? What's up with that committee I'm on, the one that can't seem to make the smallest decision? I'm sure you've experienced these situations as well.

Although I've also read about the Meyers-Briggs, Enneagram and other typing systems, I found Maddron's colors the easiest to understand and apply. He designates four basic colors/types, with every individual being a unique combination of these colors.

• Greens are thinkers. They tend to be drawn to the intellectual life and may seem somewhat reserved.
• Blues are primarily feelers. They "swim in oceans of emotions," value the connections in their lives and may seem overly sensitive.
• Oranges are sensers. They prefer doing to deliberating, appear happy-go-lucky and love the active life. Because they're easy come - easy go, they may seem uncaring at times.
• Golds are known for being responsible and conscientious. Because of their attention to detail and "getting it just right," they may seem nitpicky.

The system looks simplistic at first, but each of us is a combination of colors in various proportions. Everyone, however, has a dominant color or mode of operating. Once I became familiar with this system, I was able to see why I couldn't seem to warm up to some people and why my various groups - department at work, committees, book groups etc - worked the way they did.

One particular group. involved in the arts, had baffled me for a long time. I loved the work we were doing but something was missing from the overall experience. In addition, a newer member had mentioned to me that he often felt left out; he described the group as cliquish. After considering the personalities of the various members, I suddenly realized why he and I felt this way: we were both predominantly Blue, and most of the other members were primarily Green or Orange. Because of this, he and I were bound to notice interpersonal nuances that the others seemed to miss, and perhaps assign too much importance to them (a common fault in Blues). 

I realized that if the group was to become more welcoming towards new members, it was probably up to me and my Blue colleague to get the ball of change rolling. I also saw that most of the members would probably not share my wish to be best buddies as well as colleagues, and that if I accepted what I saw as a lack of depth in our group relating, I'd be better able to make the most of what we did have - an excellent creative energy.

Sometimes a friendship may not need a major overhaul. It may just require mutual understanding of each other's ways of seeing the world, and making a few adjustments in expectations or communication.